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I knew that if I allowed fear to overtake me, my journey was doomed. Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story from the one women are told. I decided I was safe.       —Cheryl Strayed, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Coast Trail The minute I read this stunning line I recognized Truth in every fiber of my being, not related to any specific personal fear, but about fear in general. In a flash I realized it’s not just huge fears, like plane crashes or being attacked on the trail by a hungry bear, that cause distress. We all have daily irritations we choose not to confront because we fear that speaking out will be worse than stuffing our anger. We mutely mutter on, largely unaware of the story underlying our choices – or even that we are making choices. The opening quotation occurs at the beginning of her solo adventure along the Pacific Coast Trail. Cheryl had plenty to be afraid of: a woman hiking a...

I crawled into my cave, pulled a rock over the entrance, and binged on memoirs for the past week or so. I got caught up in a ripple effect and made a few unexpected discoveries in the process. In the previous post , guest blogger Samantha White explained how writing her memoir changed her life. This theme of writing as a transformational process is becoming a hot topic, and an increasing number of people are turning to writing specifically for its ability to heal, change and transform lives. What I’ve rediscovered during my reading orgy is that this transformational power is contagious. When I read a story that changed the author’s life, by the time I close the covers, I’ve experienced some changes myself. I learn and grow right along with that author. For example, one of the books I read is Mark Matousek’ s memoir, Sex, Death, Enlightenment: A True Story . Reading this book was an adventure. In spite of the fact that lots of elements of our lives are black and white different, ...

Some people write memoir to celebrate, some to inform, some for self-exploration, some to heal. In her second guest post on this blog, Samantha M. White explains that the results can go beyond your initial intention.  Writing my memoir transformed my life. Not only my day-to-day present, and my future, but even the past about which I had written! Transformation was not my goal. I wrote it because I had a story pent up inside me, pressing to be told – to share what had happened to me, and how I had found my way out of pain. I wanted to assure readers of the universality of suffering, and the reality of healing and finding new joy. I felt driven, and afraid that if I died before publishing the book, an important message wouldn’t be heard. I had read that one-third of trauma survivors never recover, and another third make it back to approximately where they were before the trauma occurred. Following the violent death of my daughter in the wake of two other major life losses, I knew ...

In and out of the garbage pail Put I my creation, Be it lively, be it stale, Sadness or elation. Joy and sorrow as I had Will be re-inspected; Feeling sane and being mad, Taken or rejected. Junk and chaos, come to halt! ‘Stead of wild confusion, Form a meaningful gestalt At my life’s conclusion. -- Fritz Perls In and Out the Garbage Pail Sometimes we read things before we’re ready and miss much of the meat. That was the case with this poem, which serves as a preface for the “free-floating autobiography of the man who developed Gestalt Therapy.” I read this book in 1977 while working on my master’s degree in counseling psychology. I read a pile of books about Gestalt therapy, many written by Perls. Today I readily admit that most of the material was over my head, but a few concepts stuck, like Gestalt as a sense of the whole. Over the intervening decades I’ve continued to develop and further appreciate that concept, along with...